Managing transitions and endings - from summer to autumn
If you’re anything like me, transitions and changes can bring up a whole host of feelings. Even transitions that don’t seem like that big of a deal.
At the moment, it’s clear that summer’s coming to an end and autumn is getting ready for us. We know it happens every single year, but somehow it creeps up on us quicker than we realise. It’s not something we can manage or control - it just is. A truth that, in and of itself, can make us feel out of control.
And in the same way we’re seeing leaves and conkers falling off the trees, the evenings drawing in slowly but surely and pumpkin-spiced everything being sold in the shops, we’re maybe preparing to go back to work, for deadlines to start coming in thick and fast, for rush hour traffic to suddenly add 20 minutes to our commute, for kids to return to school and to get our warmer clothing at the ready.
And that feels like a lot to anticipate.
If you’re anything like me, some of it can feel exciting. The idea of cosy nights in, all of the autumn colours and smells, Traitors coming back on TV - I’m all for it.
But I also feel a sadness. An anxiety. A dread. Almost a sense of loss.
Something is coming to an end and things feel like they’re changing.
I can feel the energy dip from the shorter days.
I’m anticipating busier weeks, more structure and less freedom.
I’m remembering all of the things I’ve loved about this summer before it’s even over.
Why do we do this?
Well, our brains are wired to recognise threat. Looking at the first list I presented to you, my brain is telling me to expect a big shift. It’s almost saying that in summer, we had time, space, freedom, light. And September? Get ready for darkness, busy-ness, structure, restriction.
And yet, logically, I know that this is a huge exaggeration of the truth. There were still challenges in the summer, and there are loads of gorgeous things to look forward to in autumn.
But still. Our brain is automatically programmed to recognise threat rather than joy. So we might need to be a bit more conscious in balancing anxiety when it comes around.
Instead of leaning into that polarised way of thinking, it’s important to recognise that this shift can signify an ending for people in so many different ways. And endings can bring real grief… and grief can be hard to manage.
Our brains are wired to try and keep us from pain. So here, you can see my brain is trying to offer me logic; almost saying, “things feel different, your time is about to look different, so let’s see what challenges we’re coming up against so we can prepare together.”
And that isn’t the worst thing to do. The dread and anxiety is actually trying to offer me something helpful: preparedness.
But if I lean into it completely, I’m sat in a pit of misery.
Instead, it’s helpful to recognise what else might be happening underneath the surface.
Perhaps there’s gratitude for some of the great things summer has offered. The memories, freedom, evenings sat with friends and family in the sun.
Perhaps this has then turned to nostalgia - that weird, uncomfortable yet comforting feeling of happiness and sadness combined - grateful that it happened and missing it already.
Perhaps there’s also relief that it’s over. The challenges of the relentless heat are over, no longer having to entertain kids every day for 6 weeks, no longer having to still work in the baking heat whilst watching other people in beer gardens.
Perhaps there’s excitement for the cosy knits, warm fires, autumnal walks, deeper sleep and seasonal events and activities.
Perhaps there’s anxiety there for the tighter scheduling, the more structured routine.
When we look at it a bit more broadly, we can realise that anxiety might be one of many feelings, but might just be the one who’s taken control of the steering wheel.
Often, when we feel lots of conflicting things at once, anxiety is the one who tells us it knows what to do - it’s got us sorted. It’s the loudest in the room, so we just sit on the other feelings and feel at a loss.
When actually, if left unchecked, we don’t pay attention to the other feelings that transitions can bring up.
So what can I do about it?
My invitation to you is to pay a little bit more attention to what’s happening for you as we shift into a new part of the year.
Sadness, nostalgia, excitement, relief, anxiety, grief - it might feel conflicting, but each one has its place and it’s so natural to feel conflicting things all at once.
And if anxiety is present and telling you to be fearful for what’s to come, instead of sitting in a pit of fear - reflect on this question:
How am I going to approach this challenge my anxiety is presenting to me?
For example, my anxiety is telling me that things are going to get LOADS busier in September and it’s going to be overwhelming.
I can already feel my heart rate shift and a bit of tension in my body when I think about it.
But instead of just accepting that as is and sitting with that anxiety, I’m going to take a deep breath and actively loosen the tension in my shoulders and jaw.
I’m then going to think about how I can practically manage the change in my schedule and anticipate the challenge this might present.
Immediately, I can feel the shift in my mindset. I can focus and think more practically about what I can do. I feel in control.
Instead of anxiety being the one with the steering wheel, I’ve listened to what it has to say and I’ve taken control myself.
Sure, it doesn’t mean this won’t be hard work, but I do know that I can manage my own responses to things and feel much more in control.
Some reflection points
So if you can relate to anything I’ve reflected on here, I’d invite you to pay attention to what’s happening for you in this transition - and perhaps reflect on these questions:
How has summer been for me this year? Am I feeling a few different things about it?
What am I grateful to have happened this summer?
How am I feeling about moving into autumn?
What am I looking forward to in autumn?
If anxiety is there, how am I going to approach the challenges it’s presenting me with?
And if you’d like to explore some of these things in more detail with a counsellor, please do just get in touch.
Lots of love x
